I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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