His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
