Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
