He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
