After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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