My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
