there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize