i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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