he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
