Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
