Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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