He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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