did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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