Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(517): View more from Michigan

I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.

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(614): View more from Ohio

I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.

(612): View more from Minnesota

His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.

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(856): View more from New Jersey

AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME

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(406): View more from Montana

I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"

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