the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Semen is not good for contacts.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
