This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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