Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
