I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
