she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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