I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
