walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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