I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
