Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
