This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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