I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
