I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
