yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
