She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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