smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
