Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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