i was born a porn star she said
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
