I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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