TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
