and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
