i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
