Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
