i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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