This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
