well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
