Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
