i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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