that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
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