I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
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