Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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