I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
