this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
