There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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