Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
