I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I think I just sharted jello shots
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
