Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
